Who knew five short years ago I would be in this very spot--healthy and sane. I, for one, certainly did not. I would have never predicted after experiencing one of the most traumatic events to date that I would live to write about it. You see, I lost someone very dear to me and life as I knew it was no more. It left me bruised, broken and emotionally bankrupt. I felt God had abandoned me and was punishing me for past sins committed. I started repenting for them all, including the time I had twisted my younger sister's arm out of frustration back in 1983. No stone was left unturned. No sin too small. In a word, I was 'desperate.' Desperate for relief from this painstaking ordeal that was being inflicted upon me. I stood alone and left to my own devices. The sista circle had quit calling. My so-called friends were nowhere to be found. No prayer warriors were praying on my behalf. So as most humans do, I self-medicated. The frightened and dejected little girl inside attached herself to any and everything that helped to sooth her pain. There were many mistakes made and regrets that soon followed. I ran as fast as I could into the arms of denial, but was unable to hide. Before long the pain would quickly resurface and the hurt returned unbearable as before, if not more intense. Still I wasn't ready to surrender. I was angry with God and told Him so religiously! I couldn't understand why He had forsaken me. Why me? Why now? All that I perceived to be true and all that I was were stripped away. I was naked. Unclothed for the world to see. Bleeding internally. Dying a slow spiritual death and no one cared...so I thought.
I conducted myself as though I wasn't raised to know who God was. I behaved as the orphan I believed to be. I did exactly as I pleased with no regard of the consequences. Remember I was wounded! But after months of crying and rebelling, disappointments and failings something deep within me shook loose. I grew tired of listening to the devil's lies and the dark deceit he purposely kept me covered in. The resistance I fought against was tearing down my stronghold with a gentle force. A transformation was taking place. I recalled in the bible it stating for everything there is a reason. I began to question the recent occurrences that had transpired in my life. Why had God ostracized me? It was then in my darkest hour I heard His still small voice whisper to my spirit, "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you." Revelation! I came to realize I had survived solely because God had a bigger purpose for me. He HAD to allow me to be separated from the distractions in my life. He HAD to allow me to be set apart from associations and untie unions that never should have been. What I thought was an attack from the enemy was God ushering me into my destiny. I Had To Go Through It! When I felt I was alone and cast aside, He was with me ordering my steps. What the devil meant for evil, God used to elevate me to my wealthy place. The pain I endured, the hurt imposed, the dying of self all worked together for my good. Because in the end I found what I was destined to be. A writer!
Author of Praise Your Way Through